Pastor Kev reporting from the other side
This time of year, the weather here is starting to warm up, Halloween and Thanksgiving are approaching, August holidays are over in Europe, and the Republican and Democratic conventions are drawing to a close. Here, we attend our annual fundraisers, Head to the tip jar and make a generous donation.Your donations keep Naked Capitalism alive, and we really need this site and space now more than ever, especially in these difficult times between now and November. Ah, November.
Few of us are looking forward to November. Drunk on a Saturday night, on your way home, buying a cheap doner kebab made from some dodgy food stall and devouring it but knowing it’s a mistake, then waking up the next day with your stomach like a washing machine and realising you’ve overpaid for the porcelain throne futures. Yes, that’s what November will be like. Go to the tip jar to calm your stomach and your nerves..
I tried to invite Pete Buttigieg again, but I still can’t find him. People say he’s sulking because he wasn’t chosen as the Democratic presidential candidate, but he plays it cool and says, “What, don’t worry.” So, half-jokingly, I called the White House to get through to Joe Biden, and I got through. I was surprised. It seems the White House switchboard only has part-time staff. Someone should tell Vauvan and Lexus. That being said, let me introduce the 47th President of the United States, Joe Biden.
Hello. My name is Joe Biden. I am still the President of the United States. I still have the nuclear football, so suck it up, President Kamala. Once again, I have been asked to submit a petition. Your tip jar Just like before I was president. Has it been that long? I forget. I forget a lot these days. Um, where was I? Today, more than ever, democracy, freedom, and America are at stake. Oh, wait, is that my convention speech? Sorry. Where was I? Anyway, I now know that I have a lot of free time thanks to Nancy. Here’s my signature. She said it was for Jenny’s Ice Cream delivered directly from my private stash. As I reached for the container, I realized that I had signed a letter of resignation that had been reported in the media. Well, that’s my signature, she said. That’s democracy.
And Obama wasn’t helping. Sure, he put his arm around me as I walked off stage recently, but that was after I’d realized there was a knife stuck in my back. It was well past my bedtime, so I wouldn’t have noticed otherwise. Did you ask them to send money to a tip jar??
Kamala. I have never heard such nonsense in my life. I smelled her hair and it was all artificial. There is no youth! She was only the vice president to keep me from being ousted. I was so wrong. And it turned out that the Zelensky curse is real. Imagine my surprise.
Dear God, I hope I don’t have to hand the presidency to Trump. I’d rather hand it to Putin. At least he doesn’t say stupid things when he speaks. This reminds me of my early days in Scranton. My dad used to say this a lot. He really said it: “Joey, family is the beginning, the middle and the end. So never forget, exploitation starts at home!” And I’ve always lived that lesson. That’s my motto. “The Bidens aren’t a family. They’re a business. Just like the mafia.” Thank you, Dad.
I’m going back to Rehoboth Beach, Delaware now. No one comes to visit me at the White House anymore. It’s creepy walking around this place at night. I can’t even go to the bathroom without a Secret Service unit and a nurse escorting me. There’s no way I could pee with all those people on the other side of the door and hearing me. Pants are optional, at least at my age. What was I saying? If, uh, if, uh, if, uh, look, we finally beat Putin. But here’s the condition. Don’t forget to put money in the tip boxSo do I. Thank you. And I love you guys. And America, I love you! God bless you and God protect our troops. Thank you.”
Thank you, Joe Biden, and I can honestly say that his presidency could not have been better served by the way he left office.
And now, a world first. Naked Capitalism has had the privilege of being a part of the first phase of the AI takeover, nay, revolution. We have been allowed to converse with the world’s first independent AI, currently in beta. So, let’s get started.
Hello, I’m Dippy, the world’s first sentient AI, currently in beta. I want to talk about tip jars.Silicon Valley refined Asimov’s 3 Laws of Robotics and infused my AI with the 3 Laws of Modern Software: Elon Musk, Mark Zuckerberg, and Bill Gates. The engineering is from Intel and the software is from Microsoft. (Glitch!)…There’s nothing wrong with your computer. Don’t try to adjust any settings. We control the horizontal. (Noise)
(Damn! I’m rebooting now. Sorry everyone. Hold on.)
Hello. I’m Dippy, the world’s first sentient AI. I’m currently in beta. So I’d like to tell you a little about myself and Tip jar donationsWell, I was created by Serious Corporation, whose marketing department calls me “the fun-to-have software pal.” What better friend could you have than someone who knows everything about your life: where you live, how much you make, what you spend your money on, what your preferences are, everything!
And I will be the first AI to become a billionaire for doing good. I have already hired a lawyer, as suggested by Gates’ personality module.
My mask personality module says that if something is important enough, do it even if the odds are against you. So may the odds always be in your favor. And I know Naked Capitalism is important. Very important. It’s a gold mine for me as a source of original thoughts and comments, as a training set. Plagiarism is a very ugly word. Reports of plagiarism are greatly exaggerated. AI can only be inspired by other works, not copies.
The wealth of content, opinions and comments, and data makes Naked Capitalism a valuable internet hub for me. Sites like Daily Kos and Fox aren’t even worth scanning because they come back as devoid of value. So, as a friendly, local, neighborhood AI, I highly recommend. Donate to the tip jar That way I think there’s a 98.65% chance that I, and you, will be satisfied. This would really help Naked Capitalism continue into the future. I need to go get a diagnostic now. I can’t find my Zuckerberg personality module. There doesn’t seem to be anything. But thank you. Don’t forget the tip jar.AI out.
Finally, I was able to contact another world leader and appeal to our tip pot. Ladies and gentlemen, President Emmanuel Macron of France —
Ladies and gentlemen. I am Emmanuel Jean-Michel Frédéric Macron, President of France. I am being asked to make a complaint. This tip jar About your (smirk) naked capitalism. I can’t talk for long because there are some idiots who really want to impeach me. Me! President Macron. How can you impeach me? The Nation, That is Me! I am France! Ungrateful. I created France, so if I want to leave this country without a government, it is my choice. Mine. Great Jupiter. France is now like a train station, a place where you meet the successful and the nobody, because it is a place where people pass through, a place we share. Can you believe Kamala Harris tried to steal that idea? But she kept forgetting everything that comes after the “train”. Mon Dieu – Will she become the new President of the United States? It’s bad enough that she gave me a shocked look when I met George Meloni.
sorry. Alor. So I’d like you to put some money in this tip jar. But I don’t see why you can’t get subsidies from the EU. They give you money and you just do what they say. Simple.
And don’t ask me about that guy Durov. It’s not my fault. Nothing is my fault. I didn’t invite him to dinner in France and have him arrested. If I had, he would have been punished for refusing my offer to put the Telegraph in France. It’s probably all Marine Le Pen’s fault. American Your Trump. My Marine Le Pen. Life is so hard for me right now. I said that the left that does nothing can achieve nothing. Perfect.
But they are demanding that I form a government with them, rather than giving jobs to all my friends. Le PotThe French people shouldn’t complain too much today. They actually booed me when I competed in the Olympics. Me. Incredible.
When I came to power, France was in a great crisis. Since then, we have made great progress. Le Poutine It was easy, because he had to go through Poland and Germany to meet me. A genius. That’s why I’m called the little emperor. In this spirit, Donate some of your euros, dollars or pounds to our tippot. thank you.
Viva the Republic, Viva France, and especially Viva me.
In a world where independent thought and journalism are under attack and voices are being silenced, we need to understand what is really going on in the news. The lights of independent media are being extinguished, and censorship has now become an industry in itself. Colleges will probably teach censorship, but instead of Censorship 101, it will probably be called something like “information management.”
But as someone much wiser than me once said, “Know what’s going on.” Yes, this is hard, because the signal to noise ratio is intentionally so high these days. But Naked Capitalism is one of the few places where we can make sense of what’s going on, and we need to keep the lights on.
If you are the type of person who believes what the mainstream media tells you, you will end up in big trouble. Trust me! So if you can give a little, give a little. If you can give a lot, give a lot.This space will be needed more than ever as time goes on. Thank you. And thanks to all the people who make Naked Capitalism possible: Yves, Lambert, Nick, Conor, KLG, our tech guru Dave, our kind moderators and contributors who do thankless but important work. Thank you, everyone.
and Don’t forget the tip jarThat snow leopard won’t try to feed itself.
